and now too
I felt despair
When I felt already those
Somebody led me feel it
I really hate
I really hate the person
But me was also an idiot
Have a hope over and over again
Even if I did know those would happens
I never could like how he is
He is someone who would hurt me naturally a lot
Since he told me it is not on purpose
If I would believe the words
I think he already did know enough that he would hurt me
But did same thing
Always
Over and over again
I was very angry
I am very very sad that I used my feelings and showed my heart to someone like that person over and over again
That person already used
Used to hurt me
That is why he could do same thing to me
He can never say, didn't know it would hurt you, didn't know
Liar
He was a fake one
Everything was lies
He has nothing certain thing
As like he has nothing from the start
Why I liked him
It was because of the heart I saw and felt
All were so meaningless things though
I didn't want to feel those or know something
I didn't want him to close to me
But it is not the worst thing
worst thing is, even if he knows he would hurt me, he cannot make me keep having a hope on him, not let me trust he came to me and did same thing
and the way changed a lot too
Even cannot keep do same thing
Just came when he wanted to
And say something
and make me have a feeling to him
and he knows those but say something strange things again over and over again
and those were repeat
never was certain as like he saying this
it is forever thing and those kind of things about like about me too
but he would have the excuse when he would want to stop those things
nothing is certain in this world
he changed what he kept saying to me
he couldn't keep saying
But what he said is really disgusting
more than
say
I like you
Won't leave you alone forever
He won't say those things
but say those thing
He hurting me so very much
try to make me promise about those
But my promise to him is nothing
Because his promise and all the words are nothing too
since he is someone who has no certain thing
And always can run from the things with the excuses
I trusted someone like that
I didn't know he was like that one
But bit by bit I noticed
He would change what he saying
And he is not someone who can keep do same thing
And think changing something is normal
I wanted to have a certain thing like my feelings to Chichiko
which never changes forever and in the future
I am sure and it is certain thing
I can say it
Because I have the mind in my heart and I know it
But he started to say he is not sure about the future and what would happens
He would start saying those things
So cruel
After told me those things before, it is like you like Chichiko or like that
Nothing similar to it
His feelings is nothing
Just like me when he wants
He has nobody who can likes else
But only JUST NOW
in the future, he would
he is also someone who would leave me alone
Tell me, found a person who I like
It is what he telling me
Who would wants to be with a person who would tell, i am not sure if i would change the mind in the future, nobody knows the future and who would be with someone like that
Why he cannot say those things, because he is not sure
I am very disappointed to know his real mind and thoughts
It was nothing certain thing
I thought it is certain thing
that is why i gave the things, myself to him
I really got a hurt about this
I really hate him so very much
I don't understand the reason why he wants to make my anxiety and worry too
Even after told me, he wouldn't like female singers
But now what he would say was
He knows those are what would hurts me
If he is not sure about those, why he came to me and make me have a hope and feelings and hurt me like that way
Make my anxiety a lot
Someone who is not sure about those, their likes dislikes, I don't want them to close to me
Because I already saying I cannot accept and those are which would hurts me
If he was someone who really thinks about me and care about my feelings, and he was not sure about those, he wouldn't try to close to me anymore
What he did again was cruel
I really didn't know he is such wishy-washy one
who does not know about himself
He always said he knows about himself
He does not know
It means, he would suddenly would like alcohol and starts to take it
and asking me, if you'd want to keep be with me even if i would start taking those things?
What is those cruel questions
He knows the answer and what he wanted to hear
Why he wanted to hurt me like that way over and over again
I can not understand it
If he wanted to accept all of him, every him, even if he changed something
Then it is not what I can stand as he did know
So what he wanted from me
He knows what I want
I don't want any who would hurt me
I wanted a person who would give me a care and heart and let me feel I am be cared and can be the person's special
He changed too much
I will never need him in anyway
I feel very sorry about to my future person
Because I involved with someone like this person who would hurt me like this way over and over again
And I continued those
I feel so very lonely
I have no one who would give me a care and feel me is special
I thought he was the person
But if I think more and more, he was someone like that person who made my anxiety so very much
Alone is more peaceful than be together with him
He was just same with other human beings to me
He is someone who can playing games after hurt me
Not try to fix anything anymore
And what he did was, came to me in many days later
Like there was nothing between us
How are you
With none face
I really hated it
and what he would tell was He worried about you and so on
Someone who really worries about me, cares about me won't play games
And would come to me soon and would try to say something
Always after so many days
All are too late everything
After everything destroyed in me
Nothing changes in anyway
Passing the time
Nothing will changes in me
Just getting worse
I felt a lot that I am neglected, betrayed, abandoned
I never want to hear those words from someone like him
Just keep playing those boring meaningless games forever
I thought I would give all of them to him someday and kept save but it was meaningless
And used my heart and feelings to someone like him who would hurt me in the future after all, in the end
Nothing was real
All were just fake
Meaningless thing
I didn't want to use my feelings to someone like him
I wanted to do these to only my person
I am sorry
I will never involved with the person again
I've decided it
I don't have to get hurts anymore by the person
Not need anymore anxiety
I want a peace
I want my person and peace
I believe and trust only my person
We can meet someday
You'll find me
You'll notice me someday
You won't hurt me like others did
I like my person
I like think about my person
And trust
My person is in my heart
Curing my pains and hurts
Only you can cure
I didn't cut my arm today
I wanted to do, but could control those
But i just cried a lot
there was chichiko
talked to her
hughuged her
and said, i will never ever forever leave you alone
i like you forever
daisuki chichiko
thank you chichiko that you are exist
i will never leave you alone
it is certain thing
not have to worry about anything
i said those and cried a lot
but those are real thing
the feelings to her and what i would do in the future
it will never changes
i know those and the future
because it is what in my heart deeply.
but i am nobody's important thing like that in my life
I want to be like that to my person and let me trust
like chichiko can trusts me and never have to worry anything about
I will never betray her and leave her alone
never throw
i know i love chichiko forever
i don't want anybody to try to be with me even if they cannot give me the certain and give real peace and my certain place
i hate humans so very much
