i wanted to be another creature
if they don't have to feel like me
i cannot think there is more lonely creatures than me when i feel these
i feel so very alone
i cannot trust anybody
also cannot have anything i want
nobody would like about me
in the way i want the person to like about me
it can be easy thing
to have a person who would get interested in me, it is just some days though
and have the like from them
but those likes are not the like i want
it is not
it makes me feel lonely more
to feel
they would give me a bit of like and like that feelings
and then i would like them
but bit by bit would know about them
and know those were not the things i wanted
which could fill me
fill my heart
i feel nobody knows how i could like about the person
i live with my honest feelings
and i am have been told that you'd be alone
because there is not like that person
not exist
even if there was, that person would want good thing and not you
others told me these a lot to me when they open the mouth
what is bad and strange
i am wanting a person to not feel lonely and be alone anymore in this world
not just friends who share the time sometimes
i want full things with my person
it makes me happy
i don't want my person to have a time with others
it makes me lonely and very scared
all the humans who i was with in the real world
all had others
each time scared when they go to another
and me be alone
when the person would not come to the school, i would be alone
always had to find my place where i can be
but i couldn't select the person in such small place
i felt scared always in me
anxiety about being alone
because those places are scary place for me
being alone means, others think me is strange
it was what i was afraid too
even if i would want one person who would stay with me since me was little
i couldn't have
all changed and gone, lied to me
but these are enough and whatever already
they think they can change the person anytime
the partner for the life
and it is a normal thing for them
and just think it was a good memories or like that
i never thought those
i didn't want to have any memories with the humans who i had to separate in the end
because i didn't know they are someone who would hurt me and make me feel these
i hate humans
i am tired
tired to be alone and feel these and crying
but also very tired to see same humans too
same
same and same and same
and same results
and what those humans would tell me is because of me
because me not change anything
i don't want any to try to close to me who know they are not able to make me feel not lonely or happy in this life
for letting them know, i wrote the ideal person lists too
the things which would make me feel lonely, alone, scared anxiety
i wrote the things
i don't think i wrote something difficult things
because there is a person who does not like the humans and not need to communicate with them in anyway i believe
there is a person who does not like female singers and not listen to female songs too
and not like animations, gross animations
i don't mind dragonball and those kind of animations
but when males watching magical girl animations and so on, it just makes me feel so gross
but i know those are not bad things
Bad is, they try to close to me EVEN IF I AM SAYING THIS and then say, why those are bad, it is not bad, you are strange
I can not understand those kind of human's brain
I just cannot accept those creatures
i don't trust males mind and head basically too
they see those things in gross mind
i don't like humans who like watch strange movies too
which has dirty things in there
i don't like a person who would play games with others
and have a communicate with them
they just keep do those things which they like
but those humans also told me, why it is bad
I don't want them to ask me, that
I never said, it is a bad thing
I just not want like that person for not feel lonely
those humans always angry because me won't accept them
and call me crazy, mental, strange
i don't need those creatures to accept me too
i want only my person to accept me as me
but now confused so i will stop
i cried again because felt lonely and so on
but now i am okay
i will believe my person
and me like my person a lot