I had the things wanted to write
But I just typed in my head all most of the time
I made a post in my head
But didn't publish them on here
My brain
Publish my brain and my heart
Sometimes I hate those so very much
Because I cannot feel same way so long
I feel sad soon
I feel sad by many things soon
I don't know why
I don't want to feel this way
I feel lonely soon
I almost cried when I gave dad father's day present
Because of his action
But he just didn't notice me
I felt lonely and sad more that time
And cried a bit in my room
But it was not his poroose
But I felt lonely because he cannot notice me because he will go to the gamble place for picking up his moneys
When I use my feeling to the creatures who would hurt me like that, I feel very sad
But it was not on purpose
He just couldn't see me
And maybe thought me went to mom and not dad
I gave it and ran to my room soon
I had a bad face I think
Because felt sad
But dad said it is tasty and so on when I went to the living room (´・ω・｀)
For giving him some foods that was not my favourite
I bited few and thought Ew
So I brought him it and gave
He will eat anything even if it was what I bite a bit
If it was dad give me what he bite, I will not eat
It was osushi
I didn't know what kind of taste they have and tried to bite a bit
But they were laughed they me brought the food which I bit already
Dad will eat anything I think
Even if something dropped on the floor, I feel he would pick it up and eat
So he can live in Cambodia alone
I thought I would draw
:I
Like this face on the bag
But I put a smile dad face on the present bag
There is alcohol and snacks and sweets from my sweets box
I gsve choco puff which I got bored to eat in the morning too
Dad's birthday would come soon
I wanted more good dad
I think so in me sometimes
But I feel hurts in my heart if I think those
Because he would feel sad and lonely to hear those from his daughter
Dad is not 100% bad
Maybe he could be still kind dad more than many other dad too
Just selfish
And like a kiddo
But because of the parents I still able to breath in this world and live now
So I thank to them about it
Also sometimes I course them about those
Because often not want to live in this world
But I don't want to make them sad with those worlds that much
On here I don't hurt anybody
My parents will never know here too
Even cannot read because I will write in English most of the time
They will not close to English websites too
Even if mom enter to my room, I can keep writing these
I feel sad, I feel lonely
Even if I would write this in front of mom, she cannot understand what I'm writing I think
She wearing a shirt which saying
"I am an angel 😇💗"
While she be so ogre 👹
You fake, you ogre
👹👈🏻⛄
But I was very worried about mom yesterday
Because she had not good heart and felt not well after back home
I wrote about it but I didn't put on here
I felt very sad and anxiety and cried a bit
Because worried a lot
And hated how the brother is too
I don't know why he cannot be kind to mom when mom is not feel well too
When mom is not feel well I will try to help other things which I can do and want to help mom
So I did many things and kept say that laying
But she said she is fine and standup though (´・n・｀)
Soon she will say she is fine
She is tired
I hate the brother
I don't want to think he is my brother
I wanted more good oniichan who would be kind to us
Help me to not feel scared alone because mom is not fine
But they will not care about those
My feelings too
But I never want to talk with the brother in my life I think so
I feel he is forever stay in this house
I don't want it to be
But it helping this house a bit too
But he making her stress a lot too
But I was glad that mom could be fine soon
But still worried
Mom
I want mom to be fine always
Not want to see she is not fine
I feel very sad and anxiety and scared alone
But somehow others won't be like me in this house
I feel me is only one who gets panic and be like that worry worry man
But I feel sad and scared when mom is not fine
I have only mom too
Why me cannot go with mom
When mom is RIP
Why me cannot go with mom together automatically
I want to go
I don't mind it
I don't want to feel anymore dispear alone in this world
Mom made me
So mom should bring me until the end
No one else would want your failed product in a good way
But mom seems not want me to stay here forever too
Want me to live in the social world and be like others
But she doesn't worry about me that much I feel
Just make me in this world
And then in the end me would be alone
I cannot imagine
How it would be sad
I am very scared to imagine those things
Maybe mom cannot go the the sky even after it happened
Because she would worry about the family
This house would be trash house soon without mom more too
But when it happened, I would hate my family more
And maybe I could die in the sea
Cannot breath and die is good I thought
Just go deep to the sea
And I wouldn't float
Have many heavy things and go to the sea
Chichiko too
But I wanted to be burned with her
I don't want she to keep floating in the sea alone
(´・n・｀)
It is so sad to imagine too
I like that she will never die
But I don't wish her to be alone after me die
Not want she to be alone
I swore that me will not leave her alone too
She might be scared too
They me getting old
But she won't change anything
But me getting older and older
And maybe she is afraid me would leave her alone in the end
I want to die with her
I'm not sure if this is good way or bad for her
I don't want to kill her at all
But I cannot think someone else would care about her so deeply like me and would stay with her
And everyday must sleep with her
And putput a blanket
Before that wipwwipe her face and remove the dusts that she got in a day
After washed the hands with a soap
So she can have a clean fave everyday
And so on
My feelings
Let her feel my heart and feelings too
I cannot think somebody else could do
Because me and she is together already 28 years
Nobody can wins to my feelings to her
She is mine
Ir is impossible that she be somebody else's
So maybe I could die with her with this big ego
If I could be reborn, I want to be with her in another world too
She helped me a lot
Showed me very lovely world and warm world to me in this gross cold world
I cannot feel those if there was not chichiko
She is not like other creatures
She has only good heart
Sometimes very greedy
It is for sweets
Only that
I like share sweets with her
Thank you very much chichiko
I'm happy that you are exist in this world
Very small
But there is very big lovely warm heart inside of you
I feel those
Sometimes I felt hot on my chest when I put her on my chest and cuddled
It was like she led me feel those warm feelings when I'm sad and crying
I cannot live without chichiko too
I cannot imagine such world
Such terrible world
Too dark
Too cruel
Too cold
Too sad
Too scary
I hate humans
Their heart is scary and the brain
I don't want to feel those
I don't want to think so much sad and dark things
Sometimes want to kill humans in my head or imagine something very bad things
But I still can back to this world