i am very sad
because i can not get along with anybody in this world
if i be just myself
i am not good to most of others
i just know what they would like
but why me have to be
if i don't want to be, i have to be somebody else
i can not live with my real
my real thoughts and feelings
i know that
those are very cruel and fugly to others
but that is me
i want to say what i think
i cannot tell in the real world
but always thought i want to say
i feel so bad to keep in me
the things what i want to say
what i thought
but always kept those
and i know others will hate to hear those things
those my honest thoughts and feelings
about the things
it can not be so good thing most of the time
honest can be cruel
i live with it
that is why i never can be with anybody very well
if i don't want to be alone, i have to be a fake one
or someone who have to change the way to say the things
which is difficult to do for me
say it or not say is me
but they would hate me be mute
and would say what i would think
and i would be told something like me is bad to think or feel and it is strange
that is why i will be mute more than say something to the humans
talking alone is better than talking to somebody who is not my person
my person not be like others be to me
not make me sad
and alone
i am crying now
humans just want to say that is why me can not get along with anybody, that is why you are alone, that is why
they will tell me like that things in the end
how me is
nobody really accepted me how me is
especially when i hurt them, they will change it and show real themselves to me
but i won't hurt anybody without any reasons
nobody tried to understand my reasons
this is why i can understand about killers more
because i just seeing the mirror and feel them
they are all bad to others
and the victims
but most of humans won't try to think the whys and the reasons
and the feelings of the killers
i don't think they wanted to do those
some are wanted
but some did those thing with a lot of hurts and sadness in them which they cannot express and show to others but always in them
i feel calm to think about them and read about them more than talk with humans or know about others who just live normally in this world
those killers has a lot of mixed feelings in them
hatred, sad, fears, anger, betray, pains, hurt
and what is common thing is, Alone
feel it so strong in them
if i would say those things, i know what they would say
you just think about yourself and your hurts, you just care about only you
those humans told me those things to me in the end
even if they were someone who told me, they will care me and not have to care about them, and just care about you
because those were lies too
all wants someone to care about them
i want someone to care about me
and want to feel it a lot
but i don't need any care which is not real one
or changes in the end
from the beginning
i am not like most of others
i am not wanting same like others
i am not needing same like others
i am not live same like others
even if i would say these
and say i am crying so much now
maybe many wouldn't believe it and just laugh
or think me is an attention seeker or someone like that kind of one
but when i feel sad, i feel sad so very much and it hurt me so very much each times
and really cannot stop crying
i don't want to feel sad
i don't need any attentions from others too
i just want a lot of attentions and care from one good person for me
and not want to feel me is alone
i want my person to stay with me
and be my side
i don't want to separate with my person
i want my person
i have only my person
i want my person to kill me in the end
when my person cannot live longer than me
i want my person to have my life
i cannot hold my life
it is too heavy thing for me
always want to put in somewhere soon
i don't like me feel these soon
and feel sad like this way
but this is what i never can control
when i am alone, i can be honest with my feelings more
and can stay be natural
so i cry when i am sad
write the things alone make me calm sometimes
even if it is very messy things and i cannot know what i am saying later
i want to care about my feelings and protect
i won't let any to hurt me