I can always find out who isn't my person
And I see same thing
Nobody will care me if I don't be good to the one
Is what I could know
If they cannot fuck me, they wouldn't care me too
But they will use moneys for those things gladly but not for my happiness
It is what happened to me this time
I tested and could know how the one is more well
Before I really go to the wrong road
Males would come meet me for do those with me
It is easy thing
Not another reason
They are really disgusting
I never could feel anything in my heart so much from anybody in the end
I always saw the same and just get hurt
And every of them told me like they think another girl would be happy with them more, I will do it for next girl and so on
Even after said they cannot have another but me or those kind of things
Someone who was with me, that person was a person who didn't listen to me and not helped me to understand the things
And always starts to say blaming or pointing
Which he did a lot to me before and made me feel those
And then next it
It just do mirror things to me and be gross hard
I used my feelings to very wrong one so very much nowadays
Who is actually really not care about me from the heart
If it was real and truth, it never could tell something even if it was a joke too
Me was not bad about this
Because I didn't go back to him
But him
Even if he cannot change anything
Come and make me have a hope on him,and do same thing
After told me he cares about me or those kind of things a lot
Someone who really do care about me didn't do such thing and didn't say such thing and not be like that
He never tried to face to me seriously when it needs
Always tried to avoid and change the things to good mood
Even nothing solve
And saying me is bad
Not try to be good friends again and keep saying those
Means he is someone who cannot talk
Also told me, not want to talk to this you anymore
Means real me
What it liked is, just good me
Who wouldn't ask what I want to know until I can know
But what that one said is, ask me
I won't angry
And those things always
But what it did is same thing to me
After all cannot question anything and not know
Impossible to have a communication since it is a big paranoid guy
So troublesome
He is one of the one who made me hard to trust others, and changed me in a bad way
If I didn't meet to the one I didn't have to have this memories and feelings in me
In the end, it can gave up on me and not tried anything
Since it knows never can change himself and will do same thing
But it is what it did know already
I can never forgive what he've done so many times until now and gave me a bit despair and hurts
I hate humans so very much
I like only my person
I wanted to meet to only my person from the beginning
And not wanted to meet to like that one
Who is just a big mouth and didn't show it can take care of me
I could know what would happens if I would live with the one too
I'm surely it won't give me what I want and select and just want to give me what he wants give me
I could know it because I tested before I left it
Means, he will decide my important and want and need by himself and will never listen to me about it
It will be just a terrible life to live with such guy
And lied to me a lot too
Made a good image of the life before and saying opposite thing when something happened
I can know real humans when it is not calm time for them
This is why I always told it never come to me again
Because I understand those things pretty well
And not wanted to get hurt by the one again
What it did is always same
The reasons were gross things
But always he wanted me to think good things about him and wanted to show me he is a good or like that
But real him was not good
What he wants is, someone who would thank to him and never say something what I said to him
Since it was just a fake hamble one, I guess he wanted such one too
No one would find out the meaning to be with someone like him
I wanted to hurt it as much it hurts me in my life
But I will try to not do anything
Like to others
I still not do anything to the humans who made me a hurt
But I don't want to
Use my feelings and heart in anyway to those kind of creatures anymore just
I cannot meet to good person
Even if I'm waiting for my person so long years
I don't want to see same thing
I want to see different
I don't like fake or someone who is not honest
I really hate fake humble ones
And the humans who thinks they can have same thing if they would do those things from me
I can find real thing
Because I know the way to find in the person
I am alone always in the end
But I can think I did really right decision
I'm not looking for just a boyfriend or like that easy ones
I want more deep thing and need a person who I can trust
I need my parent
But not like mom or someone like him
I couldn't feel he is my parent even if I tried to think
Since I saw too much kiddy side and see many those kind of things how he would treats me when me be with him
All can say good things and sweet things
But nobody didn't really show me those in the end
I hate the guys said who will take care of me forever
Even if we separated
But they didn't do it really
Because they could know, they cannot have what they want from me
Gross
So much gross things
When I would be with my person, my person is real my person and someone like my parent forever
I will never be with wrong creatures never again in my life also never meet
I will wait for only my person
I'm sorry to my person
That I had memories with wrong creatures in my life
They all tricked me and just showed another thing in the end
Only my person is a worth creature to me
Others have no value to me when they are useless especially
They are someone who can just hurt me
I often just want to die
Because I see those creatures only and I cannot see good person for me for too long years and me have to be alone and feel cold a lot and despair in this world
I always tried to stand up
Just because I still cannot kill myself
But I wished if me could kill myself
Even if I tried, I failed
Because me is helpless hopeless
Even if I would have a hope
Always destroyed by those creatures a lot
Each time I have to pick up the pieces of hope again on the ground which they destroyed
And need to fix it and make it to some shape
Over and over again
I don't want to meet to the person who'd do that to me
Because that hope is already really weak
Because of those creatures
Weak and messy
Even if I try to fix it, they could destroy it so easily
Like it is normal for them that keep hurting me
And if I would say those, it's strange to get hurt since you hurt me or like that
But I never went to the humans
They came and kept hurt me
I always left from the humans who I would hurt
Who they would hurt
Because I know me is me and if it would happens, then it is natural me
They also should have known it and never hurt me over and over again until my heart destroyed a lot
And the colour changes
I don't want my heart to be destroyed and rotten by those gross creatures
My heart is good I know
I like my heart
Even if others saying me is cruel most and terrible creature and so on
I know me can be good to my person
Because my person can know my heart
And can feel something from there
I like only my person
I have to keep believe if I cannot kill myself
I have two hope
I hope my person would finds me
And another is hope I can die earlier and end everything and escape from this suffers
I don't want anymore like this days in my life
