I cannot stop crying since yesterday 

Even if it stops, I feel too sad and tear starts 

It's a lot

My eye balls are like frogs 

I have to be normal 

But I cannot be very well

But I try to be in front of mom

But I'm too sad 

Tear starts 

It is really like rain from my eye pockets 

I need to run to my room

I don't want to see anybody

But now I feel better after those 

Cried a lot and cut my arm

I didn't want to do it 

But I hate myself 

I cannot be with anybody 

If I be with a person, I have to hate myself and feel me is bad

But I can be myself when I'm alone 

Nobody gives me what I want and need 

But close to me and do same thing 

Even if they know they will hurt me soon 

Then why 

I cannot be helped in this world 

very well

I don't want to hear you can find a good person, you can have a good future, live strong and so on from the humans who cannot help me 

Those words are nothing to me 

I heard those enough 

And I am always alone 

Just have too messy things 

Which I didn't want to have in my life

I just wanted only my person from the beginning not other elses

Not needed the humans who would hurt me 

Who wouldn't care about me 

Make me feel lonely and alone 

I don't want to feel those with a human

Which I feel those already alone

I want to die anytime 

I don't mind me die tomorrow by an accident or have some sick suddenly and die

I wished I could die without hurts 

Because not need hurts anymore 

At least want to die without those pains 

Again 

I'm crying 

I thought it be better in me

But the sad feelings comes to me over and over again 

I feel my feelings are trashes 

I wanted to use it to only my person 

The person who is real my person 

Then I didn't have to get hurts so much 

Can have a feelings to only my person peacefully 

All made my anxiety and worry and didn't help to not feel those in the end 

Even if they would, it's only the beginning 

They will made me feel me is bad that I feel those way 

I want the death if I cannot have my person 

And have to feel this so long years 

There is nothing else I want so much more than it 

I know what is important for the life 

And what I wanted to feel in this world 

What I am needing 

I wanted the days I don't have to feel lonely and alone anymore in this world 

I wanted the days I can feel something in my heart and feel warm and happiness 

not crying a lot and feel so much sad and lonely

I wanted to believe only my person in my life and never wanted to meet to the humans who did hurt me 

But it was too difficult thing 

Because I can never know the real humans until the later 

Until it's too late 

Most of them will not be themselves 

Hide real themselves and try to have something good for themselves 

But they will never have any good things in the end 

Because something always watching the creatures 

It is not god or like that creature 

We never know what is this life and what they should do and what they would have in the end 

But those bad humans never can have real good in the end 

It is what I know in me 

Especially the creatures who made my hurt in me 

I want those humans to keep smiling and laughing now 

Because in the end they will have what they really deserve in their life and they never can do those